Cattails

9 Mar

A word of caution:  After this week, you might be thinking, “Okay, Fawn, enough with the mostly photo blogs.  Get it together woman.”  I know.  Being sick, I can barely focus on anything, let alone a long blog that has a real central theme.  But this is my blog, and if you want to read something long every day with no cute cat pictures, start your own and maybe I will visit you there.  For now, you’re stuck with me.

One of the most true to life books I’ve ever read is a comic book.  I can relate to it, and if you’ve ever owned a cat, so can you.  If you’ve never had the pleasure of owning a cat, you can get the essence of it from Cats Are Weird and More Observations; a cat book by Jeffrey Brown.  Consequently, this book may deter you in the long run from ever owning a cat, but for us hopeless cat-lovers out there, it’s a sweet little book we can all read with a smile on our faces thinking “Wow, my cat does that too!”

This segment will be told by three voices.

1) This is me, the narrator.  Your sometimes friendly guide to cat ownership.

2) This is Thora; old, tired, easily annoyed, narrator’s baby.

3) THIS IS ELI.  THE BEST CAT IN THE HOUSE.

You may think dogs are the animals ruled by routine, but our cats may have them beat.  Every morning, we are woken by a series of events.  One:  Cat marches across the pillows mewing plaintively.

maybe if i cuddle up to them and act like a sad little beast, they will get up sooner and feed me!

I WAIT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BED.  IF I SEE A FOOT, I WILL BITE IT.

If Thora comes near me, I usually push her to the bottom of the bed to get her away from me.  Those whiskers tickle early in the morning.  Eli is more than likely waiting at the foot of the bed for one of my feet to poke out.  They are his favorite chew toy, and he is impatient in the morning.  When Thora comes anywhere near Eli, a cat face-off ensues.

Face-Off.  John Travolta on the right, Nicholas Cage on the left.

ggggrrrrrrowwwwwww

ARRRRRRRRRRROOWWWW!

*hisses**running feet*

RROW?

And so it continues until Eric gets out of bed and stomps into the kitchen to feed the monsters.  Eli gets to eat in the living room, Thora on the other hand eats in peace in the utility room with her own litter box.  The idea here is that Thora can have a safe place where Eli isn’t king of the mountain.  Eli is the little squirt who uses all the litter boxes in the house as soon as they are cleaned just so he can be big cat of the household.  Thora can’t stand him, so his scent enrages her, leading to improvised neutral litter boxes and unpleasant surprises later.  Cat face-off two happens after they have finished their food.

i don’t really want to leave my warm and cozy room, but i will sit here making noises and sharpening my claws on their door until someone comes and pays attention to me.  then i will pretend like i don’t want their attention.

I WILL FIND A WAY INTO EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE.  I WILL GET THE OTHER CAT FOR HAVING HER OWN ROOM.  I AM SO ANNOYED.

By now Eric is off at work and I am trying to do my yoga routine with one cat hiding under a chair making horrible sad noises, and the other one gnawing on my toes.  If he’s feeling really irritated and excitable, Eli turns into… PUFFY TAIL!  His evil alter-ego races up and down the hallway, trailing a tail at least three times too large and curved upward like a question mark.  Then he goes in time-out, AKA, the bathroom.  I get fed up and chase Thora out of her room.  The possibility of further cat face-off action is higher, but at least she will be sort of quiet .  Then, I go to the bathroom and slowly open the door, unsure of what is waiting for me there.

RROW? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.  HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?


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One Response to “Cattails”

  1. Eric March 9, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

    How can anyone say no to Eli’s “I’m sorry” face?

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